Attempted Drabbles Of A Rambling Mind
by Stiggy
Summary: My attempt at drabbles... in between fics. The fourth one is up... Root gets his revenge on Foaly after his cigars go missing...
1. Cigars

_Okay, so basically inspired to write a drabble by **Jamie Love**, I will attempt one. I am not good at drabbles, mainly because I tend to ramble on. A lot. Ah well. By the way, folks, I am thinking about deleteing 'Life Below Ground'. I'm not sure though. And also, the new chapter of 'The New Girl' could be a while. Oo Oh dear. I don't sound like a very attentive author, do I?_

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Artemis Fowl, any of its ideas, characters, settings or plot events. Those belong to Eoin Colfer.

* * *

I can't believe I've run out cigars. It's… just… not… _possible_. There are always cigars in that drawer. Where did they go? There were at least _fifty_ there yesterday… who stole them? 

I know everyone hates them, especially the pony…That's partly why I smoke them. Wait a minute. The _pony_. Oh, I'm going to kill him if he's stolen them… my precious cigars…

I storm out of my office, and straight up to that Ops Booth. And guess what? He's locked the door. D'Arvit. I bang it a few times. No-one bats an eyelid. It's my usual business to do this after all. But when I start screaming the words 'cigars' and 'slow, painful death', oh, they're looking _now_.

Foaly turns the window to the booth transparent, and he's smiling. All my cigars, all in there… and he's casually throwing them into the recycler, one by one…

I'm going to _kill_ that pony.

_

* * *

Well, I tried…. I don't like this much. Ah well. It's **153 words long. **__D'Arvit._


	2. Chix Makes His Move

_This one is 130 words. So. Not as bad as the last one... I'm basically just using these as cures for writer's block. Five minutes for 130 words... that's 26 words a minute... wow, that sucks._

**DISCLAIMER: If I didn't own Artemis Fowl five minutes ago, what makes you think I own it now?**

* * *

Chix Verbil was evaluating his female co-workers. There was Lili Frond, and there was Holly Short. Now, Lili was all good, but she was too easy. She'd flirt with a broom if there was no-one else around. Chix liked a girl who was feisty. If Holly Short wasn't feisty, then Commander Root didn't smoke fungus cigars. 

So Chix figured that Holly might be attracted to him after his brush with the goblins. He was a hard man… and he had the scars to prove it. The sprite strategically concocted his plan while doing his paperwork. And when Holly walked past for her midnight cup of coffee, he uttered the words that were designed to make her swoon.

"Hey, Holly."

"Don't chance your luck, Verbil."

It had been worth a shot.

* * *

**_Just tell me when to stop, people._**


	3. Something Different

**Just wrote this one for fun. Still, no flames.By the way, I noticed NO-ONE has reviewed the new chapter of _The New Girl_... tut-tut. **

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Artemis Fowl. I do, however, own a company that makes witty disclaimer lines. I don't really... Oo**

* * *

There was something different about Juliet today, Artemis realised. It wasn't in the way she walked, talked, carried out her duties or even teased Butler. But it was something. Why could he, a certified genius, not recognise the difference? It was absurd. 

He couldn't see a piercing, no tattoos, no jewellery to speak of...

"Juliet?" Artemis approached her in the kitchen.

"Yes, Arty?" Juliet placed down the salad roll she was preparing.

"Is there something different about your appearance today?"

"Oh yes, I bought some padded underwear," said Juliet brightly, going back about her duties as normal, leaving Artemis in the kitchen.

"Oh..."

Maybe next time he wouldn't ask.


	4. Root's Revenge

**Okay. This one's 112 words. It's kind of a follow-up to _Cigars_ but I suppose it goes on its own too. My computer has committed suicide and deleted all my planning for _The New Girl_ so the next chappie will be a while. It doesn't mean that you get off the hook for not reviewing Chapter Two- Battlefield though! Come on, REVIEW!**

* * *

Let's not beat around the bush here. Everyone knows I'm smart. Not just smart. Very _very_ smart. So why isn't my precious customized, one-of-a-kind mobile responding to me? Maybe something's up with the wires. Yes, that's it. No problem- I have my toolbox sitting on the desk of the Ops Booth so it'll only take me thirty seconds to fix. 

Maybe not.

All the wires are snipped. Just cut clean in two! Who would do something like this?

Julius has just walked in here with the _biggest_ smile on his face.

"Phone trouble, Foaly?" he asks pleasantly, hands me a memo and strolls out again.

Oh, I'm going to _kill_ that elf...

* * *

**Hee hee. Review please!**


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